ahh

Yang namanya dengki itu penyakit hati;
Bila kau kata hati banyak definisi.
Definisi hati letak pada orang
Orang kata hati itu sangat rapuh
Aku kata kerana rapuhnya itu terbit dengki.


Dari yang rapuh itu juga timbul sayang
Sayang tanpa kira batas
Ekstrimis, lagi fikir mati jua bukan batasnya
Aku?
Moderatis.
Apatu?
Orang kata sederhana.


Ahh, apa aku bebel ni pun aku taktau.
Aku tau....sekarang ni aku rasa tak puas hati.




bermain dengan perasaan,
a-san

01:45:49

Dear God, the only thing I ask of You
Is to hold her when I'm not around,
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again

sukses kacau jiwa aku malam ni.




literally cried,
a-san

dah pandai kuat jeles dah sekarang ni. apa cerita ni san? mana hilang kau punya heartless tu san?




huh,
a-san

LMAO

bila comel jadi brutal. hahahhahahhhh

harini gelak teruk,

a-san

dear future husband, please don't you snore in sleep.




sincerely,
a-san

oh, i made a tumblr


http://anishthatsthename.tumblr.com/ <- click hereee. click. click. click. clickitty. clickkyy. click click! and follow at own desire. thanks. hehe

ouh

fikir tentang kerja ayah aku jadi referee ragbi from kelompok till national level, actually aku tak pernah pun tengok bila masa ayah aku ada main ragbi je pun. akhirnya, statement ni put an end kat persoalan aku.


"kau belajar sukan tak semestinya nak kena main tu. knowledge untuk coaching tu yang penting. tak reti main pun takpe" - ayah


point?
takde ape. saja nak sejukkan hati sendiri bila dapat hockey for next sem. pegang kayu hoki pun tak pernah. heh.


dalam hati,
teringin nak jadi macam ayah. banyak game reti main. bola sepak, sepak takraw, badminton, tennis, ragbi, et ceteraaaa


alasan;
gua tak cukup fit la derrr. lari sikit pun dah semput :))))




imma hockey noob,
a-san

cair syiaallll

# six packs
nyummy! another two packs will be better


# ethan peck
sumthing pasal suara dia. uhh. sangat sexaaaayyyy


# jude law
the voice, the face, the look, the Law


# deep eyes
killer eyes. deep stare. macam evil-ish look. huh!


# chuck bass
mother chucker


# rapping in french
tolong lahh. ariz ramli, kenapa kau suka buat camtu. kau tak hensem tau taaaakkk. tapi...rapping in french. ohmaiiii



this too shall pass,
a-san

check check

For the record, satu tong shisha kat Straits Quay punya Dome Cafe would cost me RM30 per flavour which just meant that I need to go home to T.I ASAP! (and this was a few days ago)


well. goodbye first sem. *dejavu-ish. think i said this before. last year. my first-first sem. which means, this is my second-first sem. err..


B.Ed TESL, 5yrs more to go! jyeahhh!

last day of first sem

2 nights straight at Straits Quay. i found this place very relaxing for me :)

first day: unplanned, straight from mamak,
explaining why with the baju sekolah. haha.

apparently, this is the only one i have for the rest of the night.
dah la tu, blur pulak -,-

saja nak test. lama dah tak online. lamaaaaaa sangat. seriously. LAMA,
a-san

Joyeux anniversaire Shiraro! a post-birthday wishes

shira2, along nak mintak maaf sebab tak wish birthday. takde hadiah nak bagi kat kau sebab takde duit. dah la tu, aku guna free call kau lama2. aku tau aku teruk.


anyways,


selamat hari jadi
semoga panjang umur
berjaya dalam hidup
semoga murah rezeki
hidup yang diberkati tuhan
jalan yang senang untuk kau in future, insyallah.


aminn.

hey budak comel, i love you okay!
*can't believe i'm saying this -.-"

yours guiltily,
a-san

banyak sangat waktu lapang (rant on getting bored)

bosan gila babi takde benda nak buat dah niiiiiiii -.-


tidur - dah banyak sangat
movie - semua dah habis tengok
facebook - takde yang best
makan - semua pun dah makan
tidur balik - aku dah banyak sangat tidur lah!
otp - credit takde -.-
i-chi - dia baru balik kerja. takkan nak kacau orang penat balik kerja
merayap - period pain. tak larat nak berjalanjalan
IM - takde sape yang biasa sembang



cepat la hari sabtu. nak balik t.i. takde benda dah nak buat kat kolej ni. aduhaiiii,
a-san

.

Zee (bukan nama sebenar): Kau apa khabar?
Aku: haa *senyap*


Danny (bukan nama sebenar): Kau okay tak? *thumbs up*
Aku: *senyap* *thumbs up balik*


Pakcik ulat tiket (ini bukan nama): Awat muka masam ja?
Aku: oh *senyap balik*


Aras 2 Kaki (banyak sangat nama): *merajuk* *masam muka*
Aku: *senyap* *jadi loner*


Oh-kitorang-sangat-baik-kau-kena-jadi-macam-kitorang (bernama lahh sangat): *menghentam dan memaku*
Aku: *sengih* *sinis* *senyap*


Ibu guru (taknak letak nama): You haven't pass up your works. If you don't pass it up, I might need to deduct your marks and that is not good *tegas*
Aku: *senyap* oh. uhm. yeah *tak kisah*


Abang gedang (adalah nama dia): *senyap*
Aku: *lagi sangat amat senyap*


Aku: *tak boleh tahan senyap lagi*
Perempuan pipi tembam (nama yang comel): *mod senyap*


Mak Ayah (yang bagi aku nama): *marah mengamuk gila babi kaw2*
Aku: *senyap* *buat tuli* *bayangkan macam aku tak wujud*


-----


Gembira, ada masa je.
Tak larat nak ambik kisah apa pun.
Hati, dah kering dan membatu.
Senyum tipu, aku dah penat nak buat.


Dalam hati sudah kosong
Satu apa aku tak ambik kisah
Blur?


Hello, nama saya Anis.
Semangat. Dah takde.

('________')

kosong dan kosong dan kosong,
a-san

emosi atas dan bawah

apa yang dalam hati rasa;
jatuh butirnya air mata
gelap di katil situ aku menangis
mahukan teman, si perempuan pipi tembam.
mahukan sayang, datang dari dia 
mahukan selesa, bila dengan mereka


untuk pari-pari di pohon pala;
detik dan waktu,
terus dari tarikh ke tarikh
cuba kamu bersabar
selam ke dasar, baru kamu tahu
alaminya memang begini
normanya aku jadi loner di pohon pala ini
pelisss, tolong jangan cepat marah


sini aku hidup dalam binaan dunia sendiri
hanya merasa hidup bila kembali pulang.




semua ini memakan masa,
a-san

Fuck

tears are pouring. fuck. fuck. fuck. i hate menses.
mak told the news just now. nak balik cepat la macam ni. tsk tskk :'(
i wanna play with you
i wanna take you to shower
hold on there baby. i'm coming home. just please get well soon.
:'(




letting the tears flow,
a-san

"And in the end, the love you take is equal the love you make" - The Beatles

harini,

SEMINAR PEMBUDAYAAN PENYELIDIKAN INSTITUT PENDIDIKAN GURU ZON UTARA 2011
"Memartabatkan IPG Menerusi Budaya Penyelidikan & Inovasi Berterusan"


- Pakai baju semat2, dengan lanyard seminar tergantung atas leher (lanyard yang limited edition, khas untuk participants seminar je and aku dapat dua. haha). Sedekat-dekat dalam kolej sampai sejauh-jauh Miri, okay, ramai orang. Muka dah habis cikgu dah, lepak sembang2 dengan lecturers, dealing dengan profs, getting my head serabut dengan nama2 lecturers ada Dr., Prof. Madya, Prof. Puan Seri bagai yadda yadda yadda <- masa ni kita yang jarang bergaul dengan golongan2 macam ni sure rasa cam awkward tktau nak panggil diorg apa kan? Tiba-tiba aku rasa macam orang-orang pandai je bercampur dengan diorang semua. muahahahah XD *perasan.


- feedbacks aku dapat from lecturers luar, kolej lain semua more on school-based/learning/environment and on the other hand, kolej ni more to university/institute punya enviroment/system. okay, this time memang aku bersyukur gila2 dapat tempat atas bukit ni ^_^


- Kagum kejap bila aku manage bio forms diorang. multiple degree, Masters, PhD., etc. *salute2


- sadly, aku tak dapat tengok pembentangan :(


- just found out, kolej aku banyak lecturers with PhD tapi we students casually call them sir, madam, mama, papa etc. no formal "Dr." call. yup, diorang lecturers yang humble :)


- satu hari nanti aku teringin nak jadi macam diorang jugak. amin.


- harini aku jadi (rupa macam) student/akak kerani/cikgu/stewardess/jurupandu arah. bhahaha




impian agak tinggi ni,
a-san

raging hormones

put two people, preferably a guy and a girl, in the dark. give them some privacy and space. anything...no, lots of things could happen. it may be fun and feels so damn good but please, don't get overboard.




note this,
a-san

psst pssttt

boleh tak kalau aku nak bitau, daripada semuaaaaaa video yang aku pernah tengok, yang ni la yang paling aku suka i.e. hari2 kena tengok, kalau aku tak tengok rasa macam tak complete satu hari. haha.


kenapa? whyyyyy?


#1 MCR!
#2 The Ghost of You!
#3 Frank Iero nampak sangat umphh! dalam ni
#4 lagu ni sangat deep untuk aku
#5 :')
#6 THE GHOST OF YOU!

the ghost of you!,

a-san

as exactly as it is/was

fuck. this just the same,
a-san

okay. this is soooooo true. hahaha

most of the guys sometimes ask "how does it feel havin periods?"

well, that's easy. why don't you try to kick ur balls once a month eh :)

penjelasan bagi yang tidak jelas itu

maaf dan maaf dan maaf. untuk aku tak boleh jadi baik dengan kau belakangan ni. masa yang ada akan datang ni, kadang2 aku cuma nak sendiri tanpa kau. sekejap je yang diperuntukkan. agak susah untuk aku telan tentang kau sekarang ni. apa yang mata ini lihat, kau dah bukan macam yang aku lihat pertama kali. kau ubah jadi macam semacam. macam aku? mungkin? dan aku tak suka tu. maaf sekali lagi.




ikhlas,
a-san

punca air mata jatuh #2

Tuhan takkan bagi ujian yang kau sendiri tak boleh nak tanggung. Semua ni jadi sekarang, Dia suruh kau belajar bersabar san. Be strong san.

39.4°C. 5hrs kt emergency ward. 3 botol saline. okay, aku dah serik.


moral of the story: makan ubat kalau rasa tak sihat. jangan berlagak kuat.




getting better,
a-san

2 biji sebelum makan, 1 biji selepas makan, 3 kali sehari

apa guna makan painkiller kalau rasa sakit tu tak hilang jugak lagi. buat tambah gastric aku lagi ade la. T_T




in pain,
a-san

tag #007, 100 truths

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: air dari water cooler

2. Last phone call: Haziq Pratama

3. Last text message: M.A

4. Last song you listened to: Give Me Everything -pitbull, nayer, ne-yo, afrojack

5. Last time you cried: few secs ago

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: never

7. Been cheated on: well, yes. but the past stays as past

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: never regretted it ;)

9. Lost someone special: a few times

10. Been depressed: I'm depressed, but i just won't show it

 11. Been drunk and threw up: never

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:  

12: red

13: lilac

14: silver (is silver an actual colour btw? -.-)

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend: yeah! plural. :D

16. Fallen out of love: no. still on the track. :)

17. Laughed until you cried: jyeahhh. a few weeks ago, and i ended up in a jammed jaw -.-

18. Met someone who changed you: yes, he changed my perspective of view towards judging people.

19. Found out who your true friends were: YES

20. Found out someone was talking about you: er yea. but i enjoy it, somehow.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: yeah :)

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: 40% i guess

24. Do you have any pets: yes, a ferret-looking kitty that I named him Momoe ^^

25. Do you want to change your name: never crossed my mind

26. What did you do for your last birthday?  a weekend with my fam. i think so. can't remember -.-

27. What time did you wake up today: 10.15am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: nothing, on my bed. lol

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: getting my own freedom. lol

30. Last time you saw your Mother: last week

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: that i listened to my mother to cabut my gigi when i was small so i wouldnt have this crooked teeth -.-

32. What are you listening to right now: rihanna and fan spinning

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: a cat named Tom, yes. a person named Tom, err not yet kot.

34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: none

36. Whats your real name: Anis Fathnin Nadiah Aminuddin

37. Nicknames: a-san, sansan, anish, anis 

38. Birth month: November

39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio

40. Male or female: Female

41. Ever killed someone: never

42. Ever thought of killing someone: most of the time. lol

 44. Write whatever you want here: nak kena beli bag baru, kasut sukan baru, pump shoes baru, battery netbook baru. rabak aku. rabak -.-

45. Long or short hair? Long

46. Height: 156cm

47. Do you have a crush on someone: takde kot.

48. What do you like about yourself: sometimes I can be heartless

49. Piercings: just a pair on my ears

50. Tattoos: haram

51. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS:

52. First surgery: haven't (wish never)

53. First piercing: when i was 5, or 6 or 7. don't remember. -,-

54. First best friend: Jamila Mat :)

55. First sport you joined: err netball. boring -.-

56. First vacation: mana la ingat

58. First pair of trainers: huh?

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: Nope. I'm having difficulties getting food into my mouth

60. Drinking: Nope

61. I'm about to: post this post and go to shower (maybe)

62. Listening to: keyboard clicking

63. Waiting for: his call. ;)

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids: someday

65. Get married: someday. haha

66. Career: teacher dah tentunya. haha

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes: Eyes

68. Hugs or kisses: Can i choose both? =,= Hugs, because i don't think i'm good at kissing. haha *blushing

69. Shorter or taller: Taller pleaseee.

70. Older or Younger: Younger.

71. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic and spontaneous. heheh

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: both both. tamak.

73. Sensitive or loud: don't care. either one can do :)

74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger: Nope. Hope never.

77. Drank hard liquor: haram haram

78. Lost glasses/contacts: alhamdulillah still have normal vision

79. Sex on first date: i don't think so

80. Broken someone's heart: idk. hope never. 

82. Been arrested: naah. i'm a good citizen *keningkening

 83. Turned someone down: umm...yea. sorry btw.

84. Cried when someone died: yeah. i'm a normal human being

85. Fallen for a friend: hahahaaaa. yeah :P

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: most of the time, NO

87. Miracles: err, kadang2.

88. Love at first sight: well..idk

89. Heaven: Yes. Of course

90. Santa Claus: No

91. Kiss on the first date: No

92. Angels: what kind of angels are you referring to? but YES to the angels in my religion.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: NO

95. Did you sing today: haha.. yess. and realizing it, i think i look like moron. +_+

96. Ever cheated on somebody: yeah. but i'm not good in it. people will know that i'm cheating

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: the time when he asked me to be his gf so that i wouldn't say yes and be cheated on and get mad and heartbroken

98. The moment you would choose to re-live:  the moment i being hugged from the back

99. Are you afraid of falling in love: I used to be that kind of girl. i hate to see myself loving the other. because i know, i would be a serious-lover (kickass). i would wait for him, admire him and really take care of him until i know that he will somehow..leave me. i don't want that moment to happen. i was so afraid. but somehow, somewhat. i can't see myself not falling in love, cuz i just can't stand being alone.

100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: nope. if so, i wouldn't do it at the first place.

-

you'll know i'm really in deep sadness bila tengah solat pun aku tak boleh tahan nangis.
sekali lagi jadi. kali kedua sepanjang hayat ni. ayah, along nak dekat dengan ayah sekarang ni :'(




15th please be hurry,
a-san

jaaaayyyhaaayyyy

Never crossed my mind before that this gonna happen on me.
Jealousy. That's what had happened.
But no point of being jealous this time.
Can't define what are we now.
I am no gf to you and neither do you a bf to me
Heh. Scratch that. Nevermind.
Abaikan (like what he loves to say)
Trying to keep calm and stay cool bebeh ;D




woot!,
a-san

marah pada sendiri

ada benda lebih baik tak payah cakap
ada benda lagi baik kalau disimpan je
sebab bila ada orang lain yang terkesan,
jadi menyesal kenapa boleh terlepas cakap


salahkan diri sendiri
kau tau kan kau tak pandai nak tunjuk perasaan sebenar kau,
kenapa tak disusun betul2 ayat itu
kenapa tak disebut dengan hati2 ayat itu
jadinya, apa yang dia rasa tak sama dengan apa yang diagak
katalah 'bodoh!' kat diri kau sendiri >.<


semuanya sebab sayang punya pasal,
tapi kau tak reti nak tunjuk sayang tu san.




tak betul,
a-san

one in a million

"Just cry kalau tu buat you feel better. Sometime kena let it out. Tkkn nk tahan je" - ichi

mungkin kau baca macam ayat biasa je. tapi aku tak.




till death do us apart,
a-san

Achtung: RIP

They say, distance separates. That's what had happened. But there might be something else. You and I, we're both on a different degree. You will always be that Subang kid and I am that kampung girl you always laugh at. Your way of thinking and my way of thinking, they just couldn't get quite parallel with each other. That's what I think why it didn't work out. Or maybe it was because of my own fault (that I still don't get it what they are actually) which explains your coldness towards me. Whatever they are, you could always put the blame on me cuz I know, it's because of my own actions and me being so close to whom I'm getting along with right now that trigger most of what happening now.


Nevertheless, I cherish every moment we had before, the short meet ups we had which were quite a few only and I appreciate you for being a part of my life. You've been a good friend, you thought me lots of new stuffs, you had changed my perspective towards people, a good teacher that always correct my English, was a thoughtful boyfriend and lots more. If you ask me right now, I'm not so sure if I still can say that L word to you but one thing that I am very sure of is that you play quite a part in my heart, still.


Here I am, hoping that you gonna read this cuz I don't dare to say this to you with my own mouth cuz you know I will always be that "anis-yang-penakut". I am so sorry for all the wrongdoings that I've done upon you and really hope that we could always be good friends like how we used to be at the first place. However, it will always be your own decision to say yes or no.




sincerely,
anis

cakap sendiri, sendiri dengar. mungkin tidak.

dulu jarang gila kau amik.
boleh bilang lahhh
lepas tu kau dah clean for about 3 months


and thennnnnn,
kau amik balik,


so, apa jadi?
kau nak lagi. dan lagi. dan lagii.
makin teruk.


sekarang,
mungkin kau akan amik lagi kerap,
mungkin kau akan amik lagi banyak dari sebelum ni,
mungkin kau dah tak boleh nak kontrol macam dulu


sedar lah diri san,
kau nak termasuk dengan diorang2 yang mati awal ke?


memang la orang tengok ni benda biasa je
"it's not a big deal laa wehhh"
tapi,
kau tau kan kau bukan orang macam ni.




henti2 kan laahh,
a-san

anekdot

My lecturer kissed me on my cheek and said,

"I hope your jaw gets better soon"

aaaaawww. thank you :')




because my lecturer is cool liddat!,
a-san

in the agony of a barely dislocated jaw

i've got a jammed jaw
oyeye, a jammed jaw
jammed rhymes with jaw (no they don't!)
and my jaw is jammed


i can't move my jaw
no lol
no big LOL
i can't even yawn
huwaaarrgghhhh~ XO
no. not at all.


i cried because of it
because of you my dear jammed jaw
now my cheek is barely swollen
and my upper jaw isn't aligned with my lower jaw already
yay -.-


siot la -.-
cakap pun kurang ni.


and oh yeah!
paling penting sekali,
FML, I'm in pain 






agagagagaaaa,
a-san